First Day of School

Today my heart is bursting with emotions as I watched Ethan get on the bus and drive away to his first day of Kindergarten. Not a developmental kindergarten, but general ed, public school kindergarten. It has taken a lot of prep getting to today. Many visuals about what is going to happen, TV shows about the first day of school, books about emotions and practice on how a conversation might go. I feel anxious about what his day will look like although I didn’t dare show it this morning to avoid spiking his anxiety. He was excited, which makes me excited! Many details went into this day – deciding if gen ed school is right for him or if he needs another year of developmental preschool or even a specialized kindergarten. Talking through his progress with his past preschool director and his therapists to decide if he is ready for the gen ed bus or still in need of the special needs bus. Will I be holding him back if I put him on the special needs bus or throwing him to the wolves if I put him on the gen ed bus? He marched up the stairs on the gen ed bus, said hello to the driver, sat in the seat she assigned and waved to us through the window as they drove off. My heart ached! What if the teacher doesn’t understand what he’s asking or if he doesn’t understand what is being asked of him? What if he gets into a scene of Peter Pan and the other kids as his table ask him what the heck he’s talking about? (This is called Scripting and is very prevalent in children on the autism spectrum. They may recite lines from movies, books, commercials when they feel nervous or excited – a form of stimming. Currently, we are in scenes from Peter Pan). What if he wants to join the kids playing tag on the playground but doesn’t understand the rules and gets made fun of? Will the fire alarm go off and set him into a full blown meltdown? I am trying to enjoy the quiet and appreciate the fact that he is in school, in person during this pandemic and at the same time, I am counting down the minutes to when that bus pulls up and drops him off in our driveway where he feels safe and free to jibber, script, and stim all he needs. His behavioral specialist who first diagnosed him at age 3 warned me at his appointment just this past week that he will most likely hold it all in at school and come home and just explode with his behaviors. I’m ready. I just want to hold him – allow him to pinch me all he needs and even get into a scene with him, heck, I’ll play Captain Hook! I know these first days of school are hard on all parents – that is for sure! As I’ve mentioned before, I am involved in quite a few groups on Facebook for parents of kids with special needs or even more specific moms of children with high functioning autism and the posts are all repetitive with the same concerns I have. To all of you moms and dads, I’m praying for peace upon you on these first days – just remember they are God’s children and we are simply here to guide them as parents the best way we can – YOU ARE DOING A GOOD JOB!