He’ll Eat If He’s Hungry

I cannot tell you how many times I have heard that phrase. Many children go through phases of “picky eating.” We heard this so many times. Ethan used to eat everything. Then it seemed like one day he was DONE. I tried to keep pushing as a mother often does, I just wanted to see my child eat so I would feed him what I knew he would eat. He gradually moved to foods with certain textures. Crunchy was his thing (still is). He gagged if anything was too soft. I remember one time he gagged just watching me dip a piece of French bread into my soup. We first brought it up to the doctor and he suggested we keep feeding him what we eat but just ensure that we offer something on his plate that we know he will eat. He started eating only that item then would be “all done (signing).” The tricks just would not work. We decided to try feeding therapy. Ethan was just over three. They walked us into a room with concrete walls and a table and said ok, give him his lunch. I gave him his norm – PB&J, veggie straws and apple slices. He did not want to eat – he was so uncomfortable. The therapist tried playing with him and talking about his meal. He finally relented and ate the darn sandwich with tears in his eyes. We tried again the next week with the same lunch and one new item. He was freaking out – a HUGE meltdown. I knew once we got to that point there was nothing he was going to try. He just kept saying “Mommy, Ethan go home!” it was heartbreaking and very expensive! We went back to the pediatrician. We realized this was not just a preference thing, it was about regimen. This is very common with kids with ASD – it is the basis of ASD. Routine, regimen, knowing what is next. We have noticed during times of uncertainty or what I call his high anxiety times, the one thing that seemed to keep him calm was knowing his meal at night – chicken fries, sweet potatoes, vegetables, pineapple. I remember one time hearing him just saying it repeatedly. I think it may have been when we were moving. We lived with mom for almost a year between houses and I think he got used to that! What little boy wouldn’t love living with his Nanny? I remember my Grandma lived with us for a short time and it was a time I will never forget. Needless to say, he was anxious when we not only moved into a new house in a new town, but also moved 2 hours away from Nanny. His anxiety was so high – I would say about as high as it has been over the last 8 weeks. He was so confused about the COVID-19 stay-at-home order. We just started getting into the groove of his new schedule in a new town – preschool five days a week, therapy on Wednesdays, then the chiropractor after that. Pizza shop was on Fridays, donut shop down the street Saturday mornings, then church on Sunday. Then, all of the sudden, NOTHING! No school, no therapy, no play dates, no going to a restaurant, no church, no seeing Nanny, nothing! I know, this has hit many kids in a very hard way, but with a kid who functions on routine, this has been like being hit head on by a Mack truck. He will not eat much at all. He is down to just a few things and they are getting so specific. He can spot an Aldi chicken fry from a Tyson chicken fry, and don’t you dare put a Tyson chicken fry on his plate!! Go gluten free they say. Are you kidding? Of course, I would love to put him on Paleo knowing it could help his behaviors, but that would also leave his diet to ummmmm, 2 things? This kid would rather starve himself than eat a piece of meat that is not shaped like a French fry and rolled with cheap breading, “10 please!” EVERY.SINGLE.NIGHT. Therapists suggest starting by putting one item on his plate just to get him used to tolerating it. He does not tolerate it! His dinner plate cannot be out of order, so for now I put everything I cook for the rest of us into serving bowls on the table. That is about as close as I can get to putting a new food item on his plate. It makes for a lot of dishes at the end of dinner and a lot of frustration. We will not give up though; we are revisiting feeding therapy and continue to talk about nutrition and trying new foods. I just pray that one day he will decide to pick up a piece of something out of his norm to realize he likes it! One takeaway – I know I am not the only one dealing with this. I have very good friends who have children with feeding issues and can I just suggest, please do not share your suggestions unless they are positive. If I take the “he’ll eat if he’s hungry” idea he will just not eat. If I bribe him, he will try food and gag it up. If I threaten him, he will meltdown, then gag it up. So yes, I feed my child the same thing every night because I know it calms him and I know it is a sure thing that he will eat. Judge if you must, but what really helps moms of kids with special needs is support. Remember, let’s lift each other up – encourage rather than judge, show compassion rather than comparison. Thx!